Now We Are Free
Freedom within and freedom without is a vital part of a relationship growth process.
Now we are free to affirm our connectedness even when we are hurt or upset.
You may wonder, what is this guy writing about here? OK, let's step back for a minute and set up a quick background noise...ready...set...go.
I usually advocate for practicing acceptance concerning our relationship that we cannot change; maybe acceptance isn't the only alternative to burning the house down in the pursuit of change.
I think the most destructive mistake that partners make in their intimate relationships is saying to each other verbally or secretly in their minds, in effect, "I won't love you with my whole heart until this problem between us is resolved."
We work ourselves into a knot in which we promise to withhold some portion of our love and affection until our partner changes into someone more to our liking.
Here is a sample of some self talk "When you change, when this problem goes away, when I no longer feel hurt in my perception of what a marriage should be, disappointed with many things, worried about money, frustrated, afraid, or angry, then, maybe, I'll love you without restraint."
Wait a minute; we have a problem here because you can't love in partial measures. I can't half love you, or 98% love you. I can love, or I can hide.
You can either love your partner, as he/she is in this moment, in the midst of all your unresolved problems, for example, lack of money or the loss of a job or worse, or you may decide once again to hide from your own life. You don't have to believe me.
Look into your own life and perhaps your friends, family, or coworkers and see if this isn't true. Too many of us spend our lives hidden away, locked in a dark cell of our own making, because loving someone else can be painful at times.
Two complex and imperfect human beings engaged in something as vulnerable-making and continuously changing as an ongoing intimate relationship is as complicated as any phenomenon on earth. But, affirming the relationship container is simple if you commit.
Affirming the relationship container is communicating in whatever way available to you that the relationship is alive and well and has you both in loving arms.
Your relationship holds you with affection and without judgment and has done so from the very beginning. Regardless of whether you are agreeing or disagreeing with each other. Irrespective of whether you are happy or unhappy with each other at the moment.
Your relationship, your willingness to move forward one step at a time, has always happily contained every complexity and nuance of your shared lives. No matter how much you pour in there, the container holds it without complaint.
How do you touch the relationship container?
How do you affirm it and, in turn, receive its affirmation?
This is the simple part. You don't have to be able to see the relationship container; it is thereby just being. You don't have to be getting along exceedingly well first. You don't have to solve any particular problem to gain entry, it is not a place or a destination, and it is just there.
All you have to do is touch, smile, hug, hold, and place your lips to cheek. When you are happy, hold each other. When you are unhappy, have each other. When the problem is solved, keep each other. When the problem isn't solved, hold each other. When you are bliss-ed-out on love and harmony, have each other.
When you are broken-hearted, lost, and afraid, hold each other. This is affirming the relationship container. The more you affirm the relationship container in intimacy, integrity, and commitment, the more both of you will say, “Now We Are Free."
Again, for many of my readers who have emailed me with questions about relationships, I hope this quick overview about the freedom you gain from growing your relationship, rather than hiding, escaping, or ending any relationship, can help. I have included a music video with a song that tells us about not letting the dream be over and positively fighting for freedom.
"Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here. The spiritual journey is the relinquishment or unlearning, of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts." —Marianne Williamson.
As always wish you all the best life has to offer and remember, "Now we are Free."
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To your success
Your Coach Lionel Sanabria
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